


Drowning on Dry Land

by Sybli



Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: Gen, Panic Attacks, Spoilers for PBG's Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6950821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sybli/pseuds/Sybli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hana reawakens some of PBG's unwelcome memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning on Dry Land

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: A panic attack happens, and I tried to really describe how awful they are. Please don't read if you think that'll bother you in any way.

After bidding Hana farewell from the recording studio, PBG felt rubbed raw. It was great to see her again, and have her see him as him again, but some of the memories it dragged up were… painful. Especially the ones from right after he moved. In between reliving old memories and navigating crowds of uncaring people at the festival for hours, he was exhausted mentally and physically. Wearily, he and Jon headed back to the Bluebell House in silence, both exhausted and withdrawn. 

Lost in his troubled contemplation, PBG nearly ran into Jon when they stopped in front of their dorm room. Jon, oblivious as ever, unlocked the door and went inside without even glancing at him. Slinging himself up on the top bunk, he muttered what might have been “good night” and promptly turned over and faced the wall.

Tired Jon was grumpy Jon.

Used to his roommate's strange moods, PBG laid out on his bed, falling deeper into his racing thoughts. Closing his eyes uneasily, he tried to fall asleep despite his misplaced discomfort. Then it happened.

He couldn’t breathe.

He. Couldn’t. Breathe.

Snapping his eyes open, PBG gasped violently for air. He started to tremble, rolling up into a tiny shaking mass on his bed. In the back of his panicking mind, a mantra repeated itself over and over:

_-i’mgoingtodieicantbreathei’mgoingtodiethere’snoairi’mgoingtodie-_

Choking, he tried to sit up, only to fall back onto the bed when his arms gave out under him.  
His panic growing even worse, he frantically tried to call out to Jon, but only breathless wheezing escaped his lips. Hysterical tears filled his eyes.

_-i’mgoingtodiei’mdyinghecan’thearmei’mgoingtodieandhe’llfindmybodyinthemorning-_

A choked groan fought its way out of his mouth as he convulsed once more, feeling entirely out of touch with his body. He continued to struggle for breath, vision darkening around the edges and taking on a hue of unreality.

_-i’mgoingtodiethere’snoairi’mgoingtodie **righthere** -_

“PBG?”

Jon’s head poked downwards from the top bunk, eyes wide in concern. Taking in his friend, he nearly fell off the top bunk in his haste to get down. Words streamed from his mouth as he hesitated, one hand hovering over PBG’s spasming shoulder.

“What- are you okay- I mean, no obviously- I don’t- I’m gonna go get Satch, okay? I’ll be right back.”

With that, he dashed from the room, headed down the hall to Satch and Jared’s room. 

_- **no** i’mgoingtodiedon’tleavemehere **alone** -_

Every second Jon was gone felt like an eternity. PBG lay there in a heap, uncontrollably trembling and fighting for breath. The black haze around his vision crept further in, until the whole room was dark except for the slats of Jon’s bunk directly above him. The sounds of Jon’s panicked voice filtered into the room, but PBG could barely hear him over his terror-driven thoughts.

_**-i’mgoingtodiei’mgoingtodiei’mgoingtodiei’mgoingtodiei’mgoingtodie-** _

Satch’s calm, solid voice broke through PBG’s frantic thoughts. 

“-G? PBG, can you hear me? You’re having a panic attack. I’m going to touch your shoulder, okay?”

A hesitant warmth touched his shaking shoulder, gripping gently and rubbing soothing circles into his skin. Satch sat on the edge of PBG’s bed, careful not to jostle him.

“Alright, just focus on me and my voice. You’re in your dorm room at Asagao. You’re safe here. Can you try to breathe in time for me?”

Satch started counting, his slow, reassuring voice filling the room. As PBG tried to breathe with him, his tunnel vision receded, and the panicked voice in his mind quieted. Little by little, his chest expanded, slowly restoring his breathing. Still shuddering, he sat up and buried his face in Satch’s shoulder. Unhesitating arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer as he sobbed shakily into Satch’s shirt. He started to apologize, his words muffled and broken by sobs.

“I’m s-s-sorry- -t-they’ve never been s-s-so bad before- -I’m s-so s-s-sor-”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

Satch interrupted him, beginning to rub his back. His voice was still low and soothing. PBG felt his tension drain away while Satch continued to talk, a constant stream of comforting words filling the silence.

After a while, he felt the mattress dip behind him as someone else sat down, their arms joining Satch’s around him. PBG looked around blearily in surprise. 

The entirety of Normal Boots was gathered near his door, varying looks of concern etched on their faces. Jared was the one sitting behind him, an oddly understanding look in his eyes.

“Is this okay?”

Jared spoke quietly, almost whispering. PBG matched his tone when he replied.

“Yeah, it’s, uhhh… nice, actually.’

By unspoken agreement the rest of Normal Boots piled on and around the bottom bunk. Paul and Jirard fetched extra pillows and blankets for everyone, strewing them on the floor around the bed. Embarrassed, PBG started to pull away from Satch and Jared and protest, but Satch stopped him.

“Don’t be embarrassed to need comfort. We’re your friends, PBG.”

Satch reached over and pulled PBG against his side. Jared gracefully moved to PBG’s other side, pressing against his shoulder. He grinned at PBG, looking fully at ease with being squished between him and the wall. The rest of Normal Boots lay on the floor, already snuggled together to spend the night. They gave PBG reassuring smiles when he looked at them guiltily.

Curled between Jared and Satch, PBG finally relaxed entirely. Letting his head fall back onto the bed, he shut his eyes, utterly exhausted. He missed the relieved look that passed between Jared and Satch, but he didn’t miss the protective way they curled around him as he inexorably drifted towards sleep. He smiled fuzzily towards them before he dropped into a quiet, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Does the fluffy ending make up for all the awful before it? I'm sorry, I meant for it to be less... horrible and more fluffy, but I didn't want to just trivialize the panic attack.
> 
> After listening to the real PBG talk about his struggle with anxiety and panic attacks during his last stream (go check it out on [his Twitch!](https://www.twitch.tv/peanutbuttergamer)), this story just kinda appeared in my head. And then took forever to actually put into text. 
> 
> Please leave some feedback!


End file.
